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Asked a question 2 years ago

"Why is this so complicated? I pay you and you fix my problem."

Where am I?

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Rob PerinStaff
Clinical Hypnotherapist

Oh boy. This is from a potential client who I had declined to work with during an email conversation. I have heard variations on this theme mostly when potential clients aren't used to having someone decline to take their money. 

Let's dive in and unpack this.

First off, this is not a retail transaction. You don't pay your money at the cash register and then walk out with your purchase in a bag. No matter why you are coming to see me, it's bound to be more complicated than that. I feel like just about anyone will admit that, once they think it through, so let's leave that for another day.

The real root of this question is why I am declining to work with someone and whether I am "allowed" to do that.  I assure you I am allowed to do it. There's no law that obligates me to work with everyone and frankly, I feel I have an ethical mandate not to work with people who I suspect will either not work well with me, or who show signs that they aren't either ready, willing or both, to do the work that will be required to affect change. Not every hypnotherapist feels this same way, so I always encourage people I have declined to work with to shop around.

Next, I am not going to fix anything.

I am going to work with you and you are going to do the work. I know a lot of techniques that may help you and my job is to choose the ones that match you and your goals. Ultimately, I can't make you do anything. I am pretty persuasive, but it's all on you. While your situation is unique, I have done this sort of thing hundreds and hundreds of times before. Each time, I do my part, then sit back and wait for my client to step up and do their part. It's a strangely powerless position for a role that most people credit a lot of power to.

Finally, "rapport" is essential.




a close and harmonious relationship in which the people or groups concerned understand each other's feelings or ideas and communicate well.

"she was able to establish a good rapport with the children"

If we don't have it, we aren't going to succeed.

You can decided not to work with me and as is completely fair, I can decide not work work with you. That can happen after an email correspondence, after we meet or after one or more sessions. Neither of us is compelled to keep going if it's not working for us.

Often, because of my training and experience I can sense that earlier than my client can.

Anyway, I hope that helps.

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